I am a pastor at 
Tim Keel, author of the new book Intuitive Leadership, must be reading my mind. Or, it might be more accurate to say that I have been reading his mind. Or I could just say that I’ve been reading his book…
Anyways, I’m about 60 pages into his new book and he is basically telling his faith story. He is reflecting on how he had an intense and authentic experience of spiritual community in college. Then, post-college he entered into the world of suburban america. he writes,
“I was able to see a number of friends with whom I had live so intimately begin to lose their faith following college. That sounds dramatic, and i don’t mean it in the way you might initially read it: I don’t mean they lost the content of their belief system or became apostate doctrinally. I mean that upon leaving college and entering the world of twentieth-century suburban Christianity, they lost their way of life. They entered a way of life that was compartmentalized, disintegrated, individualistic, sub-cultured, ghettoized, programmed and purpose-driven.”
This morning I am sitting in a local Starbucks because I met with a friend, Mark, for coffee. We just spent about an hour discussing how our lives are enslaved to something other than the gospel. We are enslaved to jobs. We are enslaved to schedules. We are enslaved to debt. We lamented that its just too darned hard to be in community together because of all these things. For us, more than we really even realize it, the culture is calling the shots on our lives.
Frankly, I’m sick and tired of it.
I continually have what I call a holy (suburban) discontent with my way of life. I can’t really put my finger on it. But, I am realizing more and more that my life is still so controlled and governed by the culture rather than by the call of discipleship (and I feel as if I’ve made some good strides in this!). See this holy discontent is good. If I didn’t have a discontent with my way of life, I would be worried. I think that if you live suburban america and don’t have some kind of discontent with your way of life and how it corresponds to the gospel you are either missing the gospel or you are much more mature in your faith than I am. Hopefully its the second reason.
I feel at a moment of crisis. Not a bad crisis. But a good crisis. We can’t keep on living this way. I must personally make some changes. My family must make some changes.
I’ve learned it begins with the little things.
It begins with making my weekly schedule submit to me and not the other way around. For example, Since I work on Saturday some and Sunday, I don’t work on Thursday. I spend the day with my wife and kids. You can’t believe how freeing this is to all of us (or maybe you can).
- It begins with me wrapping my day in the prayers of the Psalter instead of my to do list.
- It begins with Melanie and I dealing with our financial situations. We are meeting once a month with a couple from church who are helping us aggressively attack our debt. She and I are also paying very close attention to how we spend our money.
- It begins with something as simple as me being a servant doing the dishes every night.
- It begins with me being intentional about connecting with one or two other good friends at least once a week and letting them speak into my life. Confessing my sins to them. Encouraging them. Receiving encouraging. Making bad jokes.
- It begins with finding a way for my family to stepping outside of ourselves and regularly serve those who are in need.
- I begins with a lot more things I have yet to process…
Do you feel this same discontent?
Peter S said...
1I definitely feel this and I’ve been working first on attacking our debt problem. That is holding us back from so much. (And of course, my car dies right when I start the process – ugh – but, I’m resolved to follow Dave Ramsey’s advice on the car process by buying something to get me around rather than taking on a car note.)
I’ve got some freedom with my job that I love and we’re encouraged to serve which is even better. I’ve actually been introduced to ministry opportunities as a result of my job.
The hardest part for me – connecting with others. I’m an introvert by nature. I like being with people, but don’t develop friendships easily. As a result, I’m definitely shy in the friends department. My high school and college friends are pretty much long-gone because we’ve just gone our separate ways, geographically and in our life choices.
I’d love some ideas on service opportunities with young children. That’s really hard – finding a balance between protecting them and encouraging them to serve where needed.
Keep us all posted on the progress and thoughts. You’re not alone in this by any means.
-Pete
11/14/07 6:37 AM | Comment Link
Gabrielle said...
2Todd, seriously, you hit the nail on the head. I struggle constantly with suburban ideals and what feel “right”. I love the steps you are taking and the steps I’m trying to take are already on my blog. I just want to encourage you to keep it up! We all need encouragement in this!
11/14/07 8:45 AM | Comment Link
Maria said...
3Yes, me too! Thanks for sharing your simple, but concrete ways to begin the process.
Like Peter, I’m an introvert, and living in a new town, so friendship is a problem right now. One of my priorities is to make sure my friendships include those who don’t share my faith. I have lived too long in the Christian ghetto, and that’s part of my discontent at this point.
I’d love to hear your ideas on serving with children. I’m looking at ways to get our kids (4 & 5) involved with a Thanksgiving dinner our church puts on. But it’s got to be more than a once-a-year thing.
11/14/07 8:46 AM | Comment Link
bill said...
4A phrase that came to mind was “Restless Contentment”. This phrase is the title of a sermon I am working on for 11/25 from Phil. 3:12-4:1
I struggle with the suburban, affluent culture around me. But on one level, I need to be content. Content that God has placed me here. Content that I am currently in the center of His will. Content that suburban, affluent and disconnected people need Jesus too.
But I am restless as well. I recoil against the culture. I disdain the degree that I have bought into the culture and how much affect it has on my life. Even though the Suburban culture around me in North Atlanta portrays a life of ease and contentment, I know that it isn’t. Behind the manicured lawns and the white picket fences are people who are hurting and broken. Broken relationships. Addictions. Loneliness. Hopelessness.
I am called as a pastor to not only help my life and family navigate through the Suburban landscape, but also help my congregation repent and grow in the same environment. Also, I need to help our Jesus community bring Christ to those around us. Being missional in a suburban context is one of the biggest challenges we face.
11/14/07 8:51 AM | Comment Link
Todd said...
5Everyone thanks so much so far. Its nice to know that others are feeling the restlessness.
as far as young children go, we’ve been talking about volunteering in a nursing home for a while now and it just hasn’t happened. seems like every one that we call never calls us back.
we just want to take our kids and go and sit with people and show them some love. last time i was in a nursing home with Cole (our 4 year old) one of the women (i think she was around 80) jokingly said, “you’d better keep an eye on that kid, i might just snatch him up. we don’t see too many kids around here.” Now, i am pretty sure she wasn’t about to kidnap my kid. the point was that she loves kids and she love to see them and be around them and since she’s in this nursing home she can’t see them much.
11/14/07 9:10 AM | Comment Link
Fred said...
6I’m with you. While my wife and I are hopefully going to get mostly out of debt in the next couple of months, the pull of the culture is strong. I’m continually asking God for wisdom in how to use my money, things, and timw for his kingdom.
11/14/07 9:52 AM | Comment Link
Dorie said...
7Todd,
Maybe The Well can try to connect to the nursing home that my grandfather is in. Usually I am the only person who isn’t staff in the place it seems. Or we could try connecting with the Assisted Living portion of the facility to start.
The debt thing is tough though. Brian and I have been pretty good about not acquiring any new debt and we’ve been pretty good about making smart decisions with our purchases (Ie: not buying cheap items that will break or wear quickly but purchasing items that we can keep for at least ten years). It still doesn’t change the fact that sometimes I feel like Sallie Mae has my soul instead of God. And unfortunately, I’m having a hard time finding something to do about it other than working more hours.
11/14/07 10:45 AM | Comment Link
Adam said...
8YES! I feel this discontent. And I am at the point where I have to do something about it. I recently spent some time with Mark Scandrette when he came through my city and spoke a few places. Do you know Mark at all (wrote Soul Graffiti). Anyways, that experience has really been significant for me. He called all of this “cultural captivity” – the enslavement you talked about. I think it absolutely keeps us from being able to live the gospel authentically. I must change. I keep talking to others and I’m not getting a great response among my friends, etc. So I’m glad someone’s with me!
11/14/07 2:51 PM | Comment Link
Matt Jones said...
9Todd, long time reader first time commenter. I love this kind of stuff. I pray God would continue to give you joy in rebelling against suburban culture. It is not a game, but a war that Christians are so easily dupped into thinking we are immune to it.
I played with my 5 month old daughter from 6-9 last night while my wife went out to take care of things. I had such a blast playing with my daughter (our first child) that I almost wept. I had to confess to my wife that I had been neglecting our family in the evenings and all because I really don’t know how to stop working sometimes.
Know that posts like this encourage me and others to strive after a life free from the things so easily enslaving those we are trying to reach for Christ.
11/14/07 6:59 PM | Comment Link
carol h said...
10oh, this is good. I read recently that dissatisfaction can be a holy thing. it leads us to do something different. I am reading and studying a book “sacred rhythns – Arranging our lives for transformation.” I am studying this book with 3 other friends, one from NY and two from Wash DC area by conf. call each friday morning.
These past two years since losing your uncle Gordon, I have made time for solitude and focusing on intimacy with God because i couldnt’ survive without it. Now as I come out of that time, and feel more energetic and able to do more, i am finding myself in a battle of sorts to figure out a “rule of life” that will still allow me to nourish my soul and from there expand out into touching others. I read last night – a longing for solitude is often a longing for God. I like that. carol – aka your mother!
11/14/07 7:56 PM | Comment Link
Tim said...
11I honestly wish I could be more discontent with how I am enslaved by he world. I am just being honest – I am not discontent in it. I like the fact (in most cases) that I am enslaved by the world and all it says it can offer. I wish I could stand up and say that I am no longer going to run to the world for what it displays. I am not though – I like the signs that tell me I can have whatever I want no matter the cost (even if I do not have the money to buy whatever it is I believe I want).
I think it really is a sickness. Even though I cannot say that I am gun-hoe for losing my slavery to the world, I know it will lose its luster and I will be left depressed in search of something else.
I need to get on my knees and repent for being a slave to the world. I need to not be content in what it offers me. I guess I need to make a lot more changes in my life. I am, as it were, an unfinished work of art. One day, I hope to be worthy of being displayed. Till then, I will continue to be shaped and molded. I can’t wait to see what I will truly look like one day. So, I think I am going to pick up the book of Psalms like you have done and build my day around the Bible; not my job. Thanks man for showing me that I have so much more to do. God bless.
11/14/07 9:29 PM | Comment Link
Todd said...
12Wow, thanks everyone for your comments. Its nice to know I’m not alone here!
Dorie, that’s the thing about the debt for us too. We’re pretty deep in and we’re pretty much enslaved to a payment plan. We won’t really be free until we get everything paid off. Its kind of sucky situation because we’re paying for our past sins (unfortunately not all of our debt is from our adoption). So, like you say we’re stuck working more hours. The situation sucks but we’ve got to eventually find a way out of the oppression… Too bad we can’t wave a magic wand and start all over.
adam, i think one of the biggest things is finding some friends to join you in the fight. we need some coconspirators!
matt, isn’t it sad that we find it so compelling to work before playing with our kids. That, somehow, playing with our kids is not “productive?!” I can’t tell you how big of a deal it is to our 4 year old that I stay home and play with him on Thursday’s. Not only is it a ton of fun to me, but it is the highlight of his week. That’s pretty dang cool.
mom, thanks for being a great example!
tim, i love that thought, “I am, as it were, an unfinished work of art. One day, I hope to be worthy of being displayed.” that’s an awesome thought. reminds me of ephesians 2:6-7 “And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus.”
like i said, thanks everyone for your partnership in this!
11/14/07 10:03 PM | Comment Link
Milton Stanley said...
13I understand what you’re talking about. Actually, I’d like to talk with you about it in person. If you’re interested, let’s both be intentional with our schedules and find some time next week to meet and talk about it. Just e-mail me and name a time. Coffee’s on me.
11/16/07 6:59 AM | Comment Link
Tom said...
14Can we say “amen” on your blog, Todd? Honestly, this is a very good post and one that needs to be digested slowly, simply because you’re proposing such a radical detox from culture. One of the incremental steps we can take is to reclaim Christmas by getting involved in Advent Conspiracy or something similar. Peace.
11/16/07 7:39 AM | Comment Link
Ashley Henning said...
15Exactly. 100% where I’m at. Not totally sure what to do about this restlessness all the time, but I am convinced that taking the little steps like you are doing in your everyday life is part of what it means to remain faithful.
11/18/07 5:47 AM | Comment Link
Chris said...
16Hey Todd,
I always appreciate your insightful reflections on missional living in the suburbs. I find myself going in and out of holy discontent, but that’s a good way to describe me today.
What do things look like for you a year and a half later? What has been helpful in sparking transformation for you?
06/18/09 5:21 PM | Comment Link
Todd Hiestand said...
17Chris, thanks for bringing this post back to my attention again. Its funny some of this stuff has made some progress. But, I still feel this discontent and maybe even more so. I think that’s still a good thing because that informs me that i am not numb and sleep-walking through life.
06/18/09 7:05 PM | Comment Link