A lot is currently being said about marriage these days due to the recent publication of two books on marriage by two famous (and/or infamous) pastors. I won’t link to one of them because I just don’t think it would be helpful, but I will link to the other one because (while I haven’t read it) I imagine it’s probably helpful in some ways because I really respect the author.

But, over the years I have developed a some thoughts that I (and others it seems) have found helpful when it comes to the vocation of marriage. Now, I don’t fancy myself an complete expert when it comes to being married, just ask my wife. But, in the midst of our struggles the following thoughts have aided us in putting our marriage, and all that goes with it, within a helpful mission-centered framework (how’s that for a catchy phrase?).

I think for us to begin talking about marriage we have to go back to the creation. Most people do too so this isn’t anything new. But, I want to take a bit of a different look at the image of God and it’s implications for our vocation as individuals and more importantly, together as a couple.

In Genesis 1 we read, “In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth. On the 5th day he created mankind and said, “Let us make man in our own image, after our likeness…So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.”

Okay, again I am not telling each of you anything new. You, me, all of us are created in the image of God. Of course, there are many different implications to being made in the image of God. The most obvious is that we are His beloved creation, worth more to Him than we can ever imagine. Worth so much that God chose to become man himself, walk among us in the dirt and suffer death on the cross. This is an amazing beautiful truth that I am not sure we will ever really comprehend.

But there is another side to being made in the image of God that I think we can sometimes miss. If being his beloved children shows us who’s we are, this second piece speaks of who we are to be as his children.

In order to understand this side better, it might be helpful to use a alternative word to “image.” Perhaps the greek version of the word is more helpful. That is “eikon.” (All this “eikon” talk is stolen taken straight from Scot McKnight’s book Embracing Grace)

For many of us, the word “eikon” brings some more tangible ideas. Some of us may associate this with religious icons, or pop icons (like Michael Jackson) and those of us who spend our time in front of computers will associate this with the little images that we click on to open up applications like our web browser or wordprocessor.

In each of these cases, the icon is not the object of focus. Rather, what these icons point to is the thing that is important. A religious icon serves the purpose of pointing the worshipper to God. A computer icon serves the purpose of pointing to, or being a shortcut to a computer application.

As beings who are created in the image of God, we serve a similar purpose and role in this world. We are not meant to be God, but rather we are meant to point to God. We are not meant to be the creator, but we are meant to point to the Creator. Following the computer line of thought, if you double click on us, that is, if you look at our lives, you should see God. (Cheesy, I know, but it works right?)

But, here’s the thing: Image bearing doesn’t stop with at people being individuals. 

The Bible continues in Genesis and says that the man and woman are to become one flesh… Two become one. And because of this, in a very real sense, the married couple makes one eikon of God. 

I think the implications of this are huge.

When we look at marriage in our culture there are many different definition of success. A good job, a family, a great sex life, beautiful grandkids, a wealthy retirement and other culturally-based goals.

But, I believe that according to the Bible, the mark of a successful marriage is when two people come together and their lives continually point others to God.

This then is our vocation: To join our lives together and spend the rest of them pointing others to God. So, my wife and I judge our marriage based on how well we point others to God. As God called Israel to be blessed and be a blessing, as God calls the church to be blessed and be a blessing… So God calls the two of us to come together as one, not only to be blessed but to be a blessing and point others to God.

We raise kids with this goal, we neighbor with this goal, we argue (yikes) with this goal, we shop with this goal, we spend money with this goal, we date with this goal, we live in community with this goal, we do everything with the goal of being a shared eikon of God.

If we wake up when we’re 80 and we can say, by the grace of God, we’ve done this. I’ll be happy.

“The self must be treated as if, not merely in feeling but in actual fact, the whole universe revolved around it…If I am the center of the universe, than everything belongs to me. I can claim, as my due, all the good things of the earth. I can rob and cheat and bully other people. I can help myself to anything I like, no one can resist me.”

Now, this is a rather harsh assessment of our demeanor. I personally do not like to think of my perspective on my self as thinking that I am the center of the universe. But, if i am honest, and if I look hard enough at the way I am living and interacting with others, especially others outside my inner circle of friends and family, than I really do see myself as the center of the universe.

I don’t think we realize just how self-centered we really are. We don’t seem to realize that our actions really do affect the lives of others in significant ways. If we do realize it, we don’t seem to care too much. There seems to be an epidemic in our world of only caring about things that directly effect me (By the way, I consider myself a carrier of the original strand of this virus!). We have this uncanny ability to block out guilt and concern for things that don’t happen to effect my little world.

For example, I am firm believer that I am in the top 1% of the worlds best drivers. In fact, I’d argue that if you could somehow create an impartial and culturally fair driving contest, I would finish in the top 3, right behind Dale Earnhart, Jr. and the taxi driver I had in NYC last year (I’ll tell you that guy was good, I’ve never seen driving like that before).

But, despite my amazing driving skills, I’m embarrassed to say that this is one of the spheres in my life where my self-centeredness comes out in very clear ways.

You see, when I am on the road, I am the one whom all the traffic revolves around. You cut me off. You didn’t turn fast enough for me to get through the green arrow. You missed your turn and now I am waiting longer than I had to.

Now, if I happen to miss my turn that’s fine. You can wait for me. Because, after all, I am the center of the road.

I’m not sure if you remember that commercial from TV for the 1990 Nissan Sentra where the driver dreams about having all the road revolve around him, but I figure the road should be like that for me.

You see, when I am driving, it doesn’t really matter to me if I cut you off and that inconveniences you and you are late for work and then you lose your job and then you can’t pay your rent and then your three children end up eating generic macaroni and cheese for three months while you scour the internets for a new job.

Really, I’m ashamed to admit it, but it doesn’t.

Why?

I think the reason this kind of thing doesn’t bother me is because it didn’t happen to me and I don’t feel the effects of the pain that it causes.

This goes far beyond the silly example of driving. Think about the last time you saw a tragic story on the news. You probably felt sorry for the person or community a little while. If it was a big tragedy, you thought about it for a little bit longer and maybe you even gave money to the movie stars during the telethon.

But most likely your life went back to normal after a few minutes of thinking about how stinky that situation was. But, whether we think about it this intentionally or not our thinking usually goes along the lines of, “I didn’t happen to me. What’s for breakfast?”

As you may know, our middle son Mason Carlos is adopted from Guatemala. When we visited his birth country to bring him home two years ago, we left part of our hearts there. We have been longing to go back and serve there since we left two years ago. We are excited about this trip because we have the opportunity to establish a long-term relationship with some locals who have been serving the poorest of the poor in Guatemala for about seventeen years. Our hope is that as our three boys grow older, we will be able to love and serve these beautiful people together. This trip is the first step towards realizing that dream.

This summer we will be working alongside the staff of a school that has been established in the La Limonada slum by an organization called Lemonade International. In a country where school is a privilege and not a right, those in the poorest neighborhoods are mostly denied access to education. In partnership with some locals, Lemonade International has helped set up and support 2 schools and a young church plant. These schools bring hope by providing quality education for the children of the slum, along with support services for families. In the context of this tangible and meaningful help, these kids and their families are experiencing the love of Christ in action. If you’d like to read more and see pictures, check out the website of the organization we will be serving with at you may visit: http://www.lemonadeinternational.org/blog

If you would like to make a financial gift towards our trip you may do so on The Well’s website at: http://give.thewellpa.com. You may also send a check to The Well using the envelope provided. Thanks so much for your friendship. We greatly appreciate your prayerful consideration in partnering with us on this trip.

Casual Christianity is faith in moderation. It allows them to feel religious without having to prioritize their faith. Christianity is a low-risk, predictable proposition for this tribe, providing a faith perspective that is not demanding. A Casual Christian can be all the things that they esteem: a nice human being, a family person, religious, an exemplary citizen, a reliable employee – and never have to publicly defend or represent difficult moral or social positions or even lose much sleep over their private choices as long as they mean well and generally do their best. From their perspective, their brand of faith practice is genuine, realistic and practical. To them, Casual Christianity is the best of all worlds; it encourages them to be a better person than if they had been irreligious, yet it is not a faith into which they feel compelled to heavily invest themselves.

Honestly, I think this description could have been spot on for me in high school and some of college. Not trying to be hard on myself, just stating what i think is reality. The only thing I would disagree with here is that i would say i was taking my faith very seriously and investing in it significantly. However, the faith that I was investing was coming out as someone who was nice, a good family person, a good citizen, a good employee, etc. The problem wasn’t that i wasn’t investing in my faith, the issue was that I was carrying a domesticated understanding of what God had called me to.

I don’t know, what do you think?

a house,

a fenced in back yard,

a two car garage,

cable television with a DVR,

two cars for that garage,

and a job that pays me well but makes me work 50+ hours a week?

You get a person who has just lost all they had going for them:

Community and relationships.

Sure. They had nothing.

But you’ve just replaced nothing with nothing.

That’s not much of an improvement if you ask me.

Mobs do things that individuals would never do on their own.

Individuals in mobs do things that that don’t make much rational sense.

Individuals in mobs climb live electric poles and flip taxis.

Individuals in mobs also live well beyond their means.

Individuals in mobs work super long hours to provide for their way of life, but in doing so have no time for their kids.

Individuals in mobs believe that if they aren’t personally effected by a situation the pain of others doesn’t actually matter.

Individuals in mobs have their schedules decided by television shows rather than the rhythms of prayer, caring for others and community.

Individuals in mobs think that they will have more time to care for others when they get the next raise or when their kids get out of the house.

I don’t know about you.

But I live in a mob.

No, it’s not very violent.

It’s not like I’m flipping cars or anything.

But it is flipping lives.

It’s flipping my life.

And, honestly I’ve pretty much bought what it is selling.

And I’m done…

At least I want to be.

But, I’m not going to leave.

Nope. I’m staying put.

I want to start a new mob.

One that imagines a new way of life.

A mob that prioritizes community…Or at least is trying to figure it out.

A mob that radically cares for their neighbor. Or, at least knows their names.

A mob that spends itself on behalf of the poor… Instead of spending ourselves on consumer goods.

I want to start a new mob that looks deeply at its way of life and filters everything through our call to be witnesses of a different King and a different Kingdom.

A mob that keeps pulling me back, giving me grace and smacking me across the head when I start putting my feet too far into the other mob.?

Mobs don’t form by invitation.

Mobs don’t send out e-vites and event announcements on Facebook.

Mobs form because there is something worth forming about.

Mobs form because someone just won a World Series for the first time in 35 years.

Mobs also form because Someone said that the Kingdom of God is like a treasure buried in a field…

I’m convinced it is little ideas that change the world.

I’m convinced people who are sick and tired of playing by other people’s rules change the world.

However, I’m convinced that I can’t change the world.

I’m convinced that you can’t change the world.

Not alone at least.

I am convinced that if we do this together we have a chance.

I am convinced that you and I can live differently than we’ve been told we’re supposed to.

In order to do that its going to take reworking some assumptions that we’ve carried our entire lives.

I invite you, walk with me as we seek to re-imagine our lives as residents of a new mob….

1 And now, brothers and sisters, we want you to know about the grace that God has given the Macedonian churches. 2 Out of the most severe trial, their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity. 3 For I testify that they gave as much as they were able, and even beyond their ability…

Verse three made me reflect a bit on how we are prone to not necessarily give more than we are able but to spend more than we are able.  We’re in a much different world than that of the Macedonian churches. 

So, in light of this, I took the liberty to re-interpret these verses for our setting. This is what I came up with: 

1 And now, brothers and sisters, we want you to know about the grace that God has given the American churches. 2 Out of the most easy-going comfort, their overflowing joy and their extreme wealth welled up in rich consumerism. 3 For I testify that they spent as much as they were able, and even beyond their ability…

I think while this may sound harsh, it hold some truth for the whole of the culture in the American Churches.  A few clarifying thoughts on my word choices:

• Easy-going comfort:  its a fact that most Americans live better than most Kings and Queens throughout history.  I’m not big on making light of the daily hardships we face, I think they are legitimate. But, the fact of the matter is, is that we live extremely comfortable lives.
• Extreme wealth: visit the website www.globalrichlist.com and try and argue that you/we don’t live in extreme wealth. 
• Rich consumerism: The death of the Wal-Mart worker is an extreme, but vivid, example of this.  Friends, this doesn’t only touch non-Christians.  It’s deeply rooted in you, me and almost every one of the members of our congregations.
• Spent more than they were able, even beyond their ability: This one punches me right in the face. How quickly are we to go into debt to get “stuff” while all too often we would call it irresponsible to go into debt to help someone.  

My point is this, I believe that we generally want to be generous people.  I really do.  We generally want to make a difference with our lives and the resources that God has given us.  But we live in a culture that teaches us exactly the opposite and the reality is that sin and those messages from our culture (which i would argue also come from sin) cloud and distory the image of God that is inside of us.   

As Francis Chan writes in his book Crazy Love:

If life is a river, then pursuing Christ requires swimming upstream. When we stop swimming, or actively following Him, we automatically begin to be swept downstream.

Friends, when it comes to generosity, stewardship and consumerism, we’re swimming upstream.

The average households under 35 are saving -16% of their income.

Financial freedom has nothing to do with our income. 

The law of guaranteed wealth: Spend less than you make for a long period of time.

Man, these powerpoint slides are from around 1980 or something.  Someone needs to read Presentation Zen! :)

Comparison to others destroys your contentment.

• You will always be able to find somebody else that has something better than you. 
• In the comparison game we will never be content.
• “Most people are motivated to success by the envy of our neighbors” – Ecclesiastes

What happens if we buy into the philosophy of the culture?

• Distorted view of what brings happiness
• As “stuff” increases… Happiness decreases
• Money and possessions quickly take control of your life
• The desire to acquire blinds us to what’s really valuable.
• Materialism undermines healthy self-worth

People living on plastic spend 26% more than with cash.

How can I get out of debt?

• Make a solid commitment to be debt free
• Add no more debt.
• Live on Cash – do “plastic surgery”
• Construct a debt deduction plan
• Apply all “windfall money” to debt payment.

It’s actually 180 degrees the opposite.  A budget produces freedom. A budget is like a freedom fence. 

Budgeting:

• Reduces waste and allows for saving money
• Brings freedom by eliminating surprises
• Can take corrective action to head off disasters.
• Increases positive communication about money.

There is a constant battle between giving, saving and debt because they are usually the last things that we put in our monthly spending.  We think that these three things are making us take on more debt.  But really, the problem is our lifestyle.  

We need to start with Saving and Giving and saving and then create a lifestyle that works from there.  Save 10% and give 10% and live on 80% of our income.

What are the three major things that keep seeking to subtly or blatantly expand your lifestyle? Figure out what they are and attack them.

The “redefining of the Normal”:  

• Average size of american home in 1940: 750 sq. feet. -> Today: 2300 sq feet.
• The problem here is that we have redefined normal to where we can no longer afford normal anymore.  And the only way to be normal is to be in debt.
• In 1960 the self-storage industry was non-existent and today it is one of the fastest growing industries. 
• We can get caught up in being “normal” without even realizing. 
• This has come from the difficulty to borrow money to today where there are people who are trying to force people to borrow money that they don’t even want.  There used to be a gut fear in borrowing money. Today we view borrowing as a vehicle to prosperity. 

These slides might be getting worse.

**Budgeting with a variable income.

• Set up a payroll account and only live off of a conservative estimate of your monthly needs.
• This way you put yourself on a consistent paycheck.
• Initially use some of your emergency fun to fund this payroll account.
• This assumes that you will make what you said you are going to make.
• If you realize you going to make less money over the year, give yourself a pay cut. 

It takes about 9 months to get a budget to actually balance. Have patience. 

Savings:

Without savings its impossible to become debt free.

There is a difference between hoarding and savings.

Personal Savings rate is negative for three years in a row for the first time since the great depression.

• In 1985 there was a major change in our attitude.  The 12% savings rate dropped like a rock since then.
• Around this time that Credit cards became relied upon as backup for savings.
• We went from an attitude of savers to an attitude of spenders.
• In one generation we went from being a nation of savers to a nation of spenders.
• Personal note, this is a stunning trend and a dramatically important statistic. 

Make minor changes in your life style that last over a long period of time and this will make a major difference.  Its not only about putting $400 away at a time. 

The key is you save before you spend.

Generosity:

• “I am not sure I have met someone that is financially free who was not also generous”
• You cannot separate generosity from financial freedom
• Giving is not about raising funds, is about a relationship with God.
• Giving: Generosity and gratefulness in action.
• Giving is at the very heart of our relationship with God. To be more like God, we need to become givers.

Study of II Corinthians 8 & 9

• There is no connection to generosity and the amount of money than they had.
• “Gave themselves first to the Lord and then to us in keeping with God’s will…”
• Giving is the evidence of the reality of our love for God. 
• It allows God to provide the very gift for us to give.  ”You will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous.”
• Our generosity has the power to influence the relationship between others and God.

Been a great day.  I’ve got a lot to work on.

Tim and Jenn Fidanzo

We’ve spent the last couple days hanging out with Tim and Jenn Fidanzo who are from Portland, OR.  We met them on Sunday morning when they showed up at our church.  About four months ago, Tim and Jenn felt that God was calling them to give up to very well paying jobs, sell their belongings, buy a mobile home that runs on recycled Veggie oil (their last fill up came from Burger King) and travel around the country doing their best to love and care for the poor and homeless.  

They showed up at The Well because they saw that we have a weekly homeless ministry on our website.  So, tonight, after plugging into our building since last night and today, they are heading down to Philly with our group.  Of course, they happen to be going down there on the night that there is the possibility of there being a Championship in Philly for the first time in, like, forever.  Thankfully they are leaving their 

 Here’s a blurb from their website:

We’re selling and giving away all we got to go around the country in a rv sharing Christ’s love with the poor and marginalized. So far we got 15 different cities were targeting in a years span. We’ll be in each city 2-3 weeks working with organizations in each one that we had contacts with or God has given us contacts with. We’re going be going into the urban homeless and rundown areas providing food, clothing and, the message of Christ.

It’s funny, when I think about people who do things like this I usually picture them as some kind of super Christian.  People like Mother Theresa and Shane Claiborne come to mind.  But the great thing about meeting Tim an Jenn is how normal they are.  They are us, just without any stuff. They lived in the burbs. Tim worked at UPS.  They love college football and most sports.  They are normal people.  The don’t come across as super spiritual at all. They are normal and seem to struggle with the same kinds of things me and my family does.  This is probably as big as a complement as I could give them.  They don’t have any sense of “look at us.” (Not that Shane or Mother Theresa do by the way).  

Their lives should be a good lesson for us because it makes us realize that we don’t have to be super Christians to take giant leaps of faith.  

From here, Tim and Jenn are traveling to Maryland from here and on to the south and then the southwest and eventually back up to Portland.  If you are anywhere on their route, I am sure they’d love a home cooked meal and a place to park their beast of a motor home.  Leave me a comment and I’ll make sure they get it or just go to their website and leave them a note yourself.

For example, when the going gets tough…

• the tough get knitting!” (my wife would be included in this)
• slime molds start synthesizing” (bet you didnt know that. I didn’t.)
• the tough find alternatives to slashing prices to entice home buyers in slowing markets.”
• the tough outsource”  (why not when you can get labor for half the cost!)
• the tough revive 90210” (oh yeah! there’s a sure fire winner!)

Despite these amazing examples, I’ve come the wonder if Christians need a new slogan.

Perhaps this one:

When the going gets rough, the Godly take that as a sign that the door is closed.

Okay, I’ll be up front here. I believe God does close and open doors. We see God do it in scripture. But I wonder if we take this “God closed the door” route too quickly. I wonder if we’ve become so influenced by our cultures need for comfort and security that we’ve taken this idea of God closing a door and we use it as an excuse to get out of situations that are hard.

I can think of many times in my past where I or my family was faced with challenges and difficulties. Each time we had to wonder, “is God closing this door?” I’ll be honest that there have been times that I believe we have given up on things that God probably would have wanted us to pursue.

The question that quickly arises from this thought is, “when do we know when he is closing a door and when he is not.” 

So what is a better option? When the going gets rough, what do we do?

Well, this might sound simplistic but perhaps its things like…

• Fasting.
• Praying.
• Taking a silent retreat.
• Get in community.

“Storms do not mean that the journey is futile. Jesus is claiming his own and the powers of the world will do their best to resist.”

We’re enslaved to our debt. This causes us to be over-worked and under generous and pretty even cranky.

Living debt free is more than just the prudent, wise thing to do (though, it is that!).  But living debt free is directly connected to our ability to more freely give our lives to God and to others. I know for certain that there are ways that my wife and I want to live that we just can’t do yet because we’re trying to get out of the burden of our debt.  This, of course isn’t an excuse to not do anything.  We are still doing our best.  But, we do need to be freed from the slavery of our debt.  

My church, The Well and the Renew Community will be co-hosting a financial seminar on November 8th that will be focused on helping us live in financial freedom so that we can more freely respond to God’s call on our lives.

We’re lucky to have Dave Briggs, director of Good Sense at Willow Creek Community Church who has over 27 years of experience in the financial industry, teaching and training financial seminars. 

You can find details and registration information here.

If you live in the area, please spread the word and bring some people along with you.   Considering the current state of our culture, this would be a great thing to bring anyone to (follower of Jesus or not).