Comments on: How is the Church like a Family? http://www.toddhiestand.com/how-is-the-church-like-a-family/01/ Missional Living in Suburban America Sat, 13 Mar 2010 09:15:21 -0800 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Judy Weerstra http://www.toddhiestand.com/how-is-the-church-like-a-family/01/comment-page-1/#comment-41336 Judy Weerstra Tue, 06 May 2008 20:18:10 +0000 http://www.toddhiestand.com/how-is-the-church-like-a-family/01/#comment-41336 My observation is that a "church as family" is only as good as its connection to Abba. The more relationship there is with God the more healing there will be and the more the person has to be able to give to others. I don't know if leadership can provide that. In other words, as a pastor, I can provide the place, the coffee, the great sermons, the fabulous food and opportunity, and even model hospitality and acceptance, but unless each person is directly connected to the head, he/she has nothing to give, but only takes. Being "connected to the head" means more than just being saved. It means arriving at a place of "shalom" where there is "nothing missing and nothing broken." Then and only then can you begin to really be human and open up and find out who you are in relationship to the others. Please don't misunderstand me, being in "shalom" does not mean perfection, it means, a place of humility and rest. It is a place of knowing that you are not perfect and therefore can laugh at yourself—and not take yourself so seriously. It also means that you don't have anything to prove. Because the church is not at that place often, it can become a dangerous place. But there are plenty of warning signs for somewhere along the line, the connection to Abba was broken. On the issue of belonging...that's different. I think you can belong to a family and yet not belong. What a tragedy that is! But all too common. So what are the dynamics of belonging? I think it is a place of rest—having had some form of psychological and spiritual unity which has taken place. There has to be enough unity in the area of truth to make meaningful discussion possible. There has to be a certain sense of equality present to create mutual respect. For instance, my husband and I were part of a church that just didn't value the intellectual part of loving God. They loved us, appreciated us our kindness, but the final analysis, we weren't respected. We never bonded with them in a real way. No matter how hard we tried, we never quite "fit" in. Dan Fuller (Fuller Theo.) describes this belonging as "espirit de corp," (the "something bigger than we are and we love it" type of thing—which is what I suspect we are looking for in a church) says the three pre-requisites for espirit de corp are a) How the members feel about themselves b) How the members feel about each other c) and the degree of commitment they have toward the purposes they have been called to. Each one of those issues affects the group and if they do not sufficiently love themselves, each other and the goal or purpose of the group, the spirit of the group will be weak, anemic, destructive or twisted in some way. But when you have elements of all three, it's a winner. It seems to me that all of those are contingent on relationship with Jesus. God will not be mocked and give us the perfect family without the perfect Father being at the core or center of it. My observation is that a “church as family” is only as good as its connection to Abba. The more relationship there is with God the more healing there will be and the more the person has to be able to give to others. I don’t know if leadership can provide that. In other words, as a pastor, I can provide the place, the coffee, the great sermons, the fabulous food and opportunity, and even model hospitality and acceptance, but unless each person is directly connected to the head, he/she has nothing to give, but only takes. Being “connected to the head” means more than just being saved. It means arriving at a place of “shalom” where there is “nothing missing and nothing broken.” Then and only then can you begin to really be human and open up and find out who you are in relationship to the others. Please don’t misunderstand me, being in “shalom” does not mean perfection, it means, a place of humility and rest. It is a place of knowing that you are not perfect and therefore can laugh at yourself—and not take yourself so seriously. It also means that you don’t have anything to prove. Because the church is not at that place often, it can become a dangerous place. But there are plenty of warning signs for somewhere along the line, the connection to Abba was broken.

On the issue of belonging…that’s different. I think you can belong to a family and yet not belong. What a tragedy that is! But all too common. So what are the dynamics of belonging? I think it is a place of rest—having had some form of psychological and spiritual unity which has taken place. There has to be enough unity in the area of truth to make meaningful discussion possible. There has to be a certain sense of equality present to create mutual respect. For instance, my husband and I were part of a church that just didn’t value the intellectual part of loving God. They loved us, appreciated us our kindness, but the final analysis, we weren’t respected. We never bonded with them in a real way. No matter how hard we tried, we never quite “fit” in.

Dan Fuller (Fuller Theo.) describes this belonging as “espirit de corp,” (the “something bigger than we are and we love it” type of thing—which is what I suspect we are looking for in a church) says the three pre-requisites for espirit de corp are a) How the members feel about themselves b) How the members feel about each other c) and the degree of commitment they have toward the purposes they have been called to. Each one of those issues affects the group and if they do not sufficiently love themselves, each other and the goal or purpose of the group, the spirit of the group will be weak, anemic, destructive or twisted in some way. But when you have elements of all three, it’s a winner.

It seems to me that all of those are contingent on relationship with Jesus. God will not be mocked and give us the perfect family without the perfect Father being at the core or center of it.

]]> By: 'Mas http://www.toddhiestand.com/how-is-the-church-like-a-family/01/comment-page-1/#comment-38854 'Mas Wed, 23 Jan 2008 17:35:45 +0000 http://www.toddhiestand.com/how-is-the-church-like-a-family/01/#comment-38854 Both my wife and I came from unhealthy families growing up, experiencing a great deal of abuse and developing self-destructive coping mechanisms. Surrendering our lives to Christ brought us a new experience of "family" where most everyone cared and worked toward healthy outcomes for each other. What a life-changing paradigm shift for us. We had several years of growth and ministry opportunity and leading others into the family. Then it changed. What once had been a warm, safe community from which to meet the world head-on, was now just another worldly institution out to protect tradition at the expense of the individual. Our tagline had been "Come Join Our Family" and now it felt like "You will be absorbed - resistance is futile". The leadership as a group (of which I had been a member) was now more concerned with finances, appearances, and not rocking the boat at any cost. Gathering with the "family" was now anticipated with dread like a six-year-old resisting a visit from Aunt Nelda who insists on pinching cheeks and embarrassing little boys. We are still members of the "family", but our visits with them are seldom and approached with wariness. We now gather with a different branch of the family but, even after more than a year, are reluctant to connect too deeply for fear of being hurt again. There are two sides to every situation, and family is no exception. Just know your metaphor has a potential dark side that needs to be guarded against. Both my wife and I came from unhealthy families growing up, experiencing a great deal of abuse and developing self-destructive coping mechanisms. Surrendering our lives to Christ brought us a new experience of “family” where most everyone cared and worked toward healthy outcomes for each other. What a life-changing paradigm shift for us. We had several years of growth and ministry opportunity and leading others into the family. Then it changed.

What once had been a warm, safe community from which to meet the world head-on, was now just another worldly institution out to protect tradition at the expense of the individual. Our tagline had been “Come Join Our Family” and now it felt like “You will be absorbed – resistance is futile”. The leadership as a group (of which I had been a member) was now more concerned with finances, appearances, and not rocking the boat at any cost. Gathering with the “family” was now anticipated with dread like a six-year-old resisting a visit from Aunt Nelda who insists on pinching cheeks and embarrassing little boys.

We are still members of the “family”, but our visits with them are seldom and approached with wariness. We now gather with a different branch of the family but, even after more than a year, are reluctant to connect too deeply for fear of being hurt again.

There are two sides to every situation, and family is no exception. Just know your metaphor has a potential dark side that needs to be guarded against.

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