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Leader: It’s Your Fault / Responsibility
Last week I wrote a little bit about how leaders need to take reponsibiltiy when things go wrong in their communities or organizations. Far too often we are quick to blame it on those we are trying to lead.
Seth Godin says it in his book Tribes better than I did and clearer than Edwin Friedman did. He writes,
If you hear my idea but don’t believe it, that’s not your fault; its mine.
If you see my new product but don’t buy it, that’s my fault, not yours.
If you attend my presentation and you’re bored, that’s my fault too.
If I fail to persuade you to implement a policy that supports my tribe, that’s due to my lack of passion or skill, not your shortsightedness.
If you are a student in my class and you don’t learn what I’m teaching, I’ve let you down.
It’s really easy to insist that people read the manual. It’s really easy to blame the user/student/prospect/customer for not trying hard, for being too stupid to get it, or for not caring enough to pay attention. It might even be tempting to blame those in your tribe who aren’t working as hard at following as you are at leading. But none of this is helpful.
To that I say, amen.
Now, let me try and translate this to church / pastor / leader world:
If you hear my idea sermon but don’t believe it, that’s not your fault; its mine.
If you see my new product ministry but don’t buy participate in it, that’s my fault, not yours.
If you attend my presentation worship service and you’re bored, that’s my fault too. (no, I am not saying that worship services should be flashy to feed our consumer needs!)
If I fail to persuade you to implement a policy invest financially in a way that supports my tribe, that’s due to my lack of passion or skill, not your shortsightedness.
If you are a student in my discipleship class and you don’t learn what I’m teaching, I’ve let you down.
It’s really easy to insist that people read the manual our church rule book. It’s really easy to blame the user/student/prospect/customer congregation for not trying hard, for being too stupid lazy to get it, or for not caring stepping up enough to pay attention. It might even be tempting to blame those in your tribe church who aren’t working at hard as following as you are at leading. But none of this is helpful.
Pastor, stop blaming your congregation for your church not living its mission well. Take some responsibility.
While we’re at it…
Congregation, stop blaming your pastor for your church not living its mission well. Take some responsibility.
The reality is, its probably everyone’s fault. Â
But you can’t control everyone’s behavior, thoughts and actions.
You can control yours.
Blaming helps no one. Â
Taking responsibility and doing something about it helps everyone.
Ginger said...
111/14/08 12:17 PM | Comment Link |
You may be taking on some unnecessary guilt if you follow this, I think.
Hearts are hard. Unless the Spirit opens our eyes, we remain blind, and we don’t care that we’re blind.
Leaders should strive to be clear, and interesting, and caring. But if you fail, it may not be your fault. In the battle of faith there is often a lot going on that we can’t know about.
Todd said...
211/14/08 12:31 PM | Comment Link |
Ginger, i hear what you are saying here but, I don’t take it as guilt. i take it as the process of being willing to take a good look in the mirror and realize that i can’t blame others when things don’t “work.”
I think far too often leaders sit back and say, “well if they would just…” and then that gets us no where.
I think it’s this blame shifting that gives many of us a good reason to stop, quit or sit still. I’ve seen it in myself and I’ve seen/heard other pastors use the same language.
For example, when no one participates in a new ministry I put forth, it’s really easy to say “well, people are lazy and uncommitted.” But, what if the issue isn’t that they are lazy and uncommitted but they are confused by the reason for the ministry or I didn’t do well in finding a time that worked or any other reason that was either in your control or maybe even out of your control.
It’s possible that Godin is using extreme language here of “fault” to make a strong point. And, I am mainly getting at the responsibility thing.
I know that as a leader in a church, it’s not my job to do everything but its more my job to invite others into the leadership and to live out their callings in the work of the church. If they aren’t doing that I know I can beat myself up over it but I also can’t just blame them and let it at that.
Ginger said...
311/14/08 4:35 PM | Comment Link |
I hear what you’re saying as well.. but think that the world’s wisdom and God’s wisdom can part company on this issue. We can sometimes do everything “right” and nothing happens, and other times think we’ve screwed up and God uses us mightily.
Possibly some gender issues at work here too.. (I’ll probably get in trouble now!) Perhaps men often look for someone else to blame after failure while women many times reach for the guilt burden too quickly (people didn’t respond, must’ve been MY fault).
Both responses leave God out of the equation, btw. That’s what I’m wary of.
Gary said...
411/15/08 3:47 AM | Comment Link |
I had the same first reaction as Ginger, so it can’t be totally a gender thing (unless that is a commentary on my masculinity). There is definitely a place for personal responsibility, but I can only take so much responsibility for the growth of others. This line of thinking will kill you in social services or give you a total savior complex. Only God can change people. However, Todd’s counterpoint is good. There is a book by Robert Schreiter called “Constructing Local Theologies” in which he insists that syncretism arises not out of unfaithfulness, but because the Christianity being preached fails to answer the questions being asked by a culture. So it is probably wise, if our ministry produces mediocre faith, to look at what questions aren’t being answered.
Shanna said...
511/17/08 6:30 PM | Comment Link |
I reacted as Ginger and Gary. And agree with Todd that “fault” might be a bit axteme. As usual, it probably needs to be a balance between spirit-filled leaders and open-hearted “tribe” members, I like the idea from The Shack, that God lives in expectancy and repsonsiveness with us. He knows who he created. It is our job to equip each other and the “tribe” to maturity. But I like the call to take ownership and grow up as Davis mentioned on Sunday!
Gerald Hiestand said...
611/20/08 10:49 AM | Comment Link |
I’m in basic agreement with Todd on this one. I’ve seen too many pastors and leaders lead poorly and then throw up their hands in disgust and blame it on everyone else. Having success in the lives of everyone we minister to is not possible (to some we are the scent of death, Paul reminds us). But having success on an organizational level is a reflection of effective leadership. Failure at the organizational is (almost) always a reflection of ineffective leadership. Leaders will get nowhere looking anywhere else except in the mirror and to Christ.
Just a bunch of assertions, I know. But there’s my two cents.
Todd said...
711/20/08 11:29 AM | Comment Link |
Hey all,
i resonate with Gary’s thought,
“but I can only take so much responsibility for the growth of others. This line of
thinking will kill you in social services or give you a total savior complex.”
And Gerald’s comment really clarifies a bit what I was trying to get at. I realize I was thinking mostly organizationally and not individually in this post. And, i do think there is a difference here. Even though of course, organizations are made up of individuals, I have seen too many leaders blame others for their organizational failures.
The leadership of individuals on the other hand is a different issues. That’s for a blog post to come. :)