I like writing, it?s somewhat therapeutic for me. The funny thing is this. I don?t really sit down to write anything at all. Ever. Except for this blog. Whatever this blog is really. I mean, in my mind I can?t consider it writing at all. If I were to spend a little more than 5-10 minutes on an entry, then maybe I could consider it writing. That?s what I started off intending to do with this thing. I started this blog thinking that this would be a good place for me to get some thoughts out. I guess I have done that in some way. Its just that most of what I put out is someone else?s thoughts (quotes) or something stupid that happened to me today (which has its place in a blog I guess) or I end up writing a bunch of BS about an issue that I think people will be impressed. Maybe if I can articulate some profound thought well I can get more people read this stupid thing and I can be ?cool? to all the other bloggers out there and then someday when I meet one of you guys (if you are out there) you will think that I am cool and I can think deep intellectual thoughts and maybe I can be in the ?cool blogger? club (is there such a club? I want to be part of it. Can someone give me the codeword to get in this elite club?)

Of course, then there are the comments. There are two key categories with this one: Receiving comments and leaving comments. There is that saying ?its better to give then receive.? I wonder if that is true in the blog world. Well, it might be true, but is it really? I might be a little self-involved (I?ll be posting more on this as I formulate some of my annoyingly convicting thoughts in the days to come) but most of the time when I am leaving comments it’s ?I was really interested in what you said, but really when it all comes down to it, I don?t give a crap. All I really want is for you to put me on your blogroll so other people will read my crap so I can feel good about myself.? That?s pretty stupid. I think you will agree. Maybe I am the only one who does this. Sue me.

Every once and a while I?ll want leave a comment that really means something. Most likely I?ll not leave it though. I notice who comments on blogs and see the same names over and over again (usually its one of those ?cool? bloggers) and I wonder if I am cool enough to leave a comment. I realize I just might not be so I don?t. Oh well. I?ll just continue following the selfish bloggers creed: ?Its much better to receive meaningless comments than leave thoughtful ones that promote dailoge and friendship.?

Then there is the receiving of comments as a result of my strategically placed comment mines. Up goes the ?deep and thoughtful post.? Then the waiting begins. Will someone please give me some “comment love?” Open up the e-mail..and?WOW! I just received 15 comments on my last post about how Raj from the apprentice comes into my Starbucks every morning! Too bad they are all from bobo15@yahoo.com advertising how I can get rich playing his online poker and how to enlarge my, well, my “maleness” (You know if I write the real word, I?ll just receive even more spam from those stupid spambots and while it will make me feel good for a minute…it will all be another shot to my blog ego!).

Like I said. I like writing. Too bad I spend all my time fantasizing about how famous I can get in the ?blog world? so that one day when I visit some conference everyone will say ?hey, there is Todd Hiestand, he?s such an amazing blogger and thinker? instead of taking some time and doing some real writing and getting my much mumble jumbled thoughts out of my whacked out head.

Maybe someday I can be a selfless blogger and not think of myself so much. Maybe someday I can use this blog for what I meant it for: Practicing my writing style and getting my thoughts out in some kind of coherent, understandable fashion. Ah, whatever. For now I guess I will continue to try and see if I can grow a large ?Blog Kingdom.? Than way when my son grows up he can say to all this friends: ?My daddy was a world famous Christian blogger in the emerging church movement?? Now there is something I am sure he?ll be just itching to throw into those ?my dad can beat up your dad? arguments when he?s in 3rd grade on the playground while waiting in line for foursquare so he can impress the girls with his four square prowess.

This post had ended until I realized that I just spent 40 minutes writing about blogging. I think I may be going insane.