The Silence Ends.
I just got back from spending the last two days up in a cabin in the woods. I basically went up there to relax, get away and to really process some of the stuff i have been working through the last few weeks. It was a fantastic time to say the least.
Amazingly enough, i didn’t touch my computer after the first 15 minutes. I had brought it up there to do some writing but ended up putting all my thoughts in my journal. i have about 35 pages of written thoughts and prayers from the weekend. because i depend on my computer so much, my left arm is absolutely killing me from all the writing! of course, 99% of what i wrote i have no desire to share at this point.
but here is something that i wrote. not sure really what it is, perhaps its my effort at a psalm or poerty or whatever or even a genre all of its own. whatever it is, it came out and i think captures my weekend well and my place in life well… its not Augustine, or David. But its me.
My heart and my soul continue to rest.
My heart and my soul long for more.
I go about my life and wonder,
Where is God in all of it?
A day goes by and I see His face,
Others go by and I wonder if its all chance.
I desire more for my life.
that i might really give more than receive.
But most days i find myself
obsessed with my own needs.
I want to change, grow, give.
but its do hard to get over myself.
I want to lead, encourage, empower.
But its so hard to get over my failures.
I want to live a life in the Spirit,
But sometimes I am just too darn lazy.
At this point, I feel very little.
God, speak to my heart and mind.
I spent a lot of time in Psalm 62 which was really helpful.
More on this weekend someday…for now, i have to continue to get ready for an art show that we are hosting tonight at our building. should be a really awesome night.
(for the record, if the above sounds not quite hopeful enough, you need to realize that a) i was just being honest and b) it was the beginning of the two days and it ended with much more hope).